if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
