He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize