cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
