dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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