I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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