my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
