bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
