my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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