dude i'm inner monologue high
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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