Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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