I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
