Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
