My first STD was from a foam party
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
