Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
