come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
