this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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