At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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