you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
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You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
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I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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