ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We got so high we made milksteak
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
