I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We have started to decorate penises.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
