I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
