not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
