Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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