i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
