Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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