I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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