Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
