just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
