I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
