I met the friendliest cop last night
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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