The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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