In the future we'll all be gay
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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