im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
