anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize