thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
