I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
