everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
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finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
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I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize