The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
