bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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