just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You smell like stripper and shame
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
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You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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