No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
