You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
