I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
More tranny stories later!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
