i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
