in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
