She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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