So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
