'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
