I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
