woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
