How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
