she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
