just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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