1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
