Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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