Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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