Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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