My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize