Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
