i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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