My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
