she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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