I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Randomize
