talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
