WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I smell like Dick and happiness
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