just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize