He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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