I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
