...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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