i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
