Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
