The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
