I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
