so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
