remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
