Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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