Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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