Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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