fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
